Long Days

I really tried to work on my mosaic yesterday and its like I have a lump in my throat right now every time I try to sit down to glue stuff to stuff. I am not freaking out yet. I think I just still need time to adjust to this entirely different way of being. I went from about 6 years of having someone always there…always talking…always asking me to go places with him…to silence and being alone the majority of the time. I don’t mind being alone…I absolutely prefer it while in my studio…but I do admit…I do like someone in the house. I’m a communal loner I guess. And waking up every day at 4:30 am…sure makes for a long day. I have only been here 2 weeks so far but it feels like 2 months. I feel like I should have cracked out a lot more art by now..or at least one piece…but I have been busy organizing my nest and cleaning it to my standards…so I mean…its not like I have been sitting here in a stupor feeling sorry for myself. And the first couple of days here and how very very sad I felt…well that’s not there anymore..thankfully. I do not enjoy being in a dark place (as if anyone does) and I am actually surprised at how quickly I shook that off. So that’s a positive. I have moments yet…but I force myself not to “stay there” because there is no use to it. It does not help me in any way to feel angry or sad that I had to uproot my entire life and start over. It is what it is and I did the right thing and so here I am. Might as well make the best of it. And I am trying. Every day I try. Beating myself up about not using my time wisely right now is not helping me move forward so I am forgiving myself.

2 thoughts on “Long Days

  1. Change is very hard, even for someone who is receptive to it or knows it’s necessary at this time. Give yourself a little more time to let the dust settle (if possible on a ranch LOL).I bet you’ll grow to love this place and I’d be very surprised if the animals, solitude and change of scenery doesn’t grow on you and affect your art, in a positive way. I’ll be going to LA in the next month sometime and thought about taking a detour home and going thru Murietta, if you’re receptive to that. I can bring the mirror and stained glass that I’ve been promising you for the last few months.

    Liked by 1 person

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