Long Days

I really tried to work on my mosaic yesterday and its like I have a lump in my throat right now every time I try to sit down to glue stuff to stuff. I am not freaking out yet. I think I just still need time to adjust to this entirely different way of being. I went from about 6 years of having someone always there…always talking…always asking me to go places with him…to silence and being alone the majority of the time. I don’t mind being alone…I absolutely prefer it while in my studio…but I do admit…I do like someone in the house. I’m a communal loner I guess. And waking up every day at 4:30 am…sure makes for a long day. I have only been here 2 weeks so far but it feels like 2 months. I feel like I should have cracked out a lot more art by now..or at least one piece…but I have been busy organizing my nest and cleaning it to my standards…so I mean…its not like I have been sitting here in a stupor feeling sorry for myself. And the first couple of days here and how very very sad I felt…well that’s not there anymore..thankfully. I do not enjoy being in a dark place (as if anyone does) and I am actually surprised at how quickly I shook that off. So that’s a positive. I have moments yet…but I force myself not to “stay there” because there is no use to it. It does not help me in any way to feel angry or sad that I had to uproot my entire life and start over. It is what it is and I did the right thing and so here I am. Might as well make the best of it. And I am trying. Every day I try. Beating myself up about not using my time wisely right now is not helping me move forward so I am forgiving myself.

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