Tender Age

I feel selfish thinking about how grateful I am that my children were never taken from me after having to escape my homeland because of gang violence. But I am grateful. When I try to imagine what that must feel like…it’s horrifying. Picturing my little Dakota or Sky in a cage with other littles crying for me..not knowing where I am or what is happening…being in a place where hardly anyone speaks their language is absolutely horrifying. Knowing how hard it was to leave everything behind to try and save my children from being killed, exhausting any money I have to pay someone to guide us on that journey and the place I was told I might have a fighting chance at to see them survive…takes them with no regard to the trauma it will cause them and me and calls me a criminal.

I know what it’s like to willingly give up a child and even though we were able to reunite..that trauma and loss will NEVER leave me..and I’ve discovered…her either. She absolutely deals with abandonment issues and I absolutely deal with how incredibly unnatural a thing it is to leave your child with strangers and not have her near. It is traumatic on the mind. It is traumatic to go against incredibly strong natural instincts to protect your offspring. I will always always have this inside me and this is something never once explained to me. No matter what we try to do to make it “okay”…the mind feels what it feels. And I’m not knocking adoption…I’m just saying..it does not happen without lifelong effects. People just don’t talk about the after effects…with good reason.

I lived what being separated from your child does to you. Not once but three times in my life. I experienced how it affected all my children. It isn’t natural and your mind knows this even if you on the surface do not.

Screw politics. This is inhumane. Without a doubt in my mind it is. These are human beings and these are children and after all we know…and still don’t know but witness the effects of it in far less traumatic situations like adoption or cases where children are put into foster care because parents are put into jail or prison…and still grown adults make the decision to ignore all that we know about trauma and the effects to a young mind. It is wrong. It is inhumane. It is not what I want my country to advance to being. It is not what I want to see my neighbors being perfectly okay with. This is not okay.

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