Move to Forest Falls

It’s nice. It’s pretty. It’s my home for now. But I really look forward to not waking up and feeling that “wtf just happened” emotional sad/angry yuck. Moving is okay if it’s a choice and not thrown at ya from nowhere. I am grateful but I’m sad. I loved my home. I did not want to leave. It’s getting harder and harder to move as well. Both shoulders are of the frozen variety now. It just is what it is at the moment and I’m dealing. Maybe when it isn’t raining and cold I will get a little pep in my step. Maybe when I get everything organized I will feel more at ease in my environment. One day at a time. Yesterday was the hardest day yet. Anxiety attack #4 Everything caught up to me while leaving my home and triggered by a friends angry Satan like cat cornering me in my new home. That was it. I lost it hard. The feeling of no control set off by angry hissing and lunging at me was the tipping point of feeling so out of control. Today a little better. I’m staying busy getting my studio set up. When I start thinking I stop myself and say “okay and now that’s done and it does not matter anymore so don’t go there.” Everything is surreal at the moment. I don’t feel like this is my life. I can’t believe this happened. I’m waiting for the shock to wear off. I hate that I care more then I realized I would. I think it is more about the horrible feeling of being fooled. Being lied to. Two people conspiring against you without your knowledge until you actually see with your own eyes they were. It’s the hardest pill I’ve had to swallow yet in my life. I do not enjoy being the clueless fool. I like to have all my ducks in a row and know the people around me have my best intentions in mind. It sucks knowing now that was not the case. I feel violated.

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