Having been raised in a religious cult…Orange County right now is bringing up some things I thought I had buried long ago.
Revivals on the beach…watching people..watching kids especially get baptized in the ocean…reminds me of it all. And there is not one good feeling coming from this for me. My mother would say “well that’s the fight between the devil and Jesus inside ya”.
Ya no. No it’s not. It’s called trauma. It’s a real thing and I got boat loads of it but I survived it all and became the person I am today in spite of it all. Good or bad..here I am. I have an empathy for people I may not have had I not gone through all that. So I don’t wear that part of my life like it’s a heavy thing I drag behind me. But it never goes away. It’s always there and now and again I’m reminding of that blind faith thing. That..ignore reality and science and trust god to save you thing. That all you have to do is accept Jesus into your heart and everything will be okay thing.
(And please save your being offended by my truth for someone else’s post..I’m not in the mood and you are in MY HOUSE if you are reading this. Don’t be rude in my house…aka my personal page.)
But ya…on top of everything going on…all the anxiety of dealing with this new thing..this pandemic and adapting to this…I also get to watch childhood things and hurts be brought to the surface. It is not shocking to me. I know exactly what these people are doing and I know deep down they are afraid and this is a way they deal with fear. This is how they make sense of reality. I understand the motive…but I don’t subscribe to it. My mind simply doesn’t work that way. But boy I was and still am chastised for simply having a different way of processing things. If religious folks would simply accept it is not wrong to not believe. It’s not something that makes you less than. It’s simply a different view of things..of life and purpose. That’s it.