That One Time I Did Not Use Art to Deal

You know I was thinking about this yesterday…I have tons of sketch books from over the years filled with different doodles about current events…but not one doodle of 9/11.
Instead…I have one sketch made by my daughter who was I think 6 at the time. I told her to draw what she felt when I talked to her about what had happened because there was no way to avoid it..she heard about it at school..on tv news…everywhere people were talking about it. I felt it maybe healthy for her to share how she felt through art. She drew this sketch of buildings on fire and planes. Very simple kid drawing that hit me like a ton of bricks. I hated so much she had any of that inside her innocent little brain. I tucked that away with a newspaper and others things from that moment. But I never once drew anything about 9/11. Instead I got my tubes tied shortly after. I see it was a trauma decision now. No regrets..thankfully…but I couldn’t stand the idea of ever bringing another child into this horrible world so I took out a loan and made certain another child of mine would not have to be brought into a world where humans would do that to each other. While others were making art to deal with ptsd…I was doing that. Extreme reaction? Ya completely. But that’s exactly where I was at in that moment and I had not reached the point where I recognized just how much my traumas affected my decisions in my life. That would come much later. But’s an interesting trauma..the whole 9/11 thing. It really was a before and after for most of us as Americans and unique to itself. I could not help but cringe every time I heard an airplane fly overhead for years after. You would of thought I was there at ground zero..but I wasn’t. I was miles and miles away…and yet to me it felt like it happened right outside my door. The first time in my life I felt afraid to be an American. First time in my life when something that happened so far away…affected me as if I was right there. I can imagine so many of us felt that and I wonder how others dealt with that trauma. For me it was another trauma on top of others. I didn’t deal with it. I just accepted it and packed it away. Time would heal, right? Ya…if only it worked like that.

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