Grief Feels Like This

Grief throws me hard, man. Always has. I’m no different than a lot of people in that way. But I feel grateful I learned early on to not try to numb what I feel. It’s hard to feel the things and sit with it. Incredibly hard. Of all the things I would rather be doing…feeling my grief feels is absolute bottom of the list. But I know I have to so I can get to the other side. There is no way to bypass grief. Ask those who have tried and still deal with the consequences of not doing the work and trying to numb the bad feels. It just does not ever work.

Everything feels a bit more intense right now because I’m allowing myself to feel this stuff and brought it up to the surface. Funny how that sad reaches back and pulls up stuff that has nothing to do with one another and says “here..remember this too.”

I’m going to be okay. This is life. This is the trade off of feeling alive and mostly full of hope. And it’s not wrong to feel things maybe a little more than my peers. I was simply born this way. That’s how I’m able to see the tiny details of the good stuff too. It’s why I feel such gratitude when things are good. I’ve walked through hell a million times in my life. How could I not feel gratitude when I do get the opportunities to feel the soft grass beneath my feet.

This to shall pass. I will not stay here long. I make a promise to myself I will not stay here long but I will feel this.

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