What a moment in my life of self discovery it’s been for me on a deeply personal level. I don’t even know really how to put it into words quite yet. But I will say…it’s been a mixture of grief for lost time of not understanding, always believing I was broken in some way and pure joy to finally realize this thing…these things about me..have a name. And I’m not broken at all. I just think and feel differently. I just have a different way of existing. And I’m not the only one to feel these things. Holy crap.. I’m not the only one. I had no idea. How could I have went this long and have no idea?
I’ll never forget April/2022 and I will never forget the kindness shown me while I unpacked things I never told a soul about. Proud of myself for following my heart, letting go and saying the things I needed to say.
I will talk more about this later when I’m not as overwhelmed and busy processing it all. But I did want to share a video that explains some things. More so for people who know me and might have trouble understanding why they never saw things in me or maybe they did but didn’t quite understand it.
You Had To Be There… 
Yes! I think we’re sisters. In many ways I’m grateful to have grown up without labels and to have been able to attribute it all to shyness. Acute shyness, but still. It occurred to me only a few years ago that I’m different in more ways than just being shy and artsy. But you know what? After a few moments, it didn’t bother me at all, and I truly believe that being “different” is what allows us to see and feel and write and create as we do. Much love to you.
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Oh I know you are a sister. ♥️ Except you write so much better. lol And speaking about that..I was thinking last night about how many times I’ve had people ask me why I’m so “open” on social media over the years. I never really understood that except that I guess it can be different than what others chose to share online. But I was thinking..I can always express myself so much better online or in written words than in a real conversation. I mean night and day better at communicating. I am so awkward trying to communicate with anyone in moments unless it’s my kids or someone I’m very comfortable with. Maybe that was just my way of being able to communicate, you know? Maybe all this time people were noticing something different to. But I think when I use social media a lot BECAUSE it’s so much easier for me to be social that way. And I want to be! I want friends. I want to be included and part of things and groups. And communicating through written word became my way to do that and not come off weird or awkward. With exceptions. Im certain there were still moments when folks were like “wth is she talking about..” lol
Much love back to you..what an awakening I’m having. Feel like I woke up and I’m not on that island by myself anymore…it’s kind of huge. And I do feel it is not a bad thing. I do. I feel like I always felt I just did things and felt things differently and that wasn’t a bad thing..but in a world where I didn’t understand it and others didn’t either it wasn’t something I didn’t even know how to explain to anyone. And I did think it was trauma related from my childhood of abuse. I really did. Now I see clearly where my ptsd things are and the things always part of me. I can see it now. It’s not all lumped into one box. That’s amazing. Im less broken than I thought it was only how many months ago when I began seriously looking into this for myself. That’s amazing. My whole life and plop one diagnose later and I can see where those things for what they really are now. Amazing.
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