I will literally (and have many times throughout my life) come up with an excuse or gone to the bathroom to get far away from someone who chews their food loudly and with their mouth open.
I broke up with a bf who did this long ago. And he was a nice guy!!
It makes my skin crawl and I can’t eat. Makes me feel sick. Sometimes I’ve just suffered through it because there is no way for me to politely get away. I always felt like such an asshole about this but I could not figure out how to stop feeling what I felt.
I know why I feel this now. It was my autism.
Every day I discover new things about myself that I honestly thought was just me feeling it. I was just always overly sensitive about so many different things. And it felt petty to me. I didn’t tell people about it because it felt really petty and judgy so I just felt it and found ways to not feel it if possible.
And I didn’t really talk about it. I’ve lived a very lonely and by myself life in so many ways it’s overwhelming to me to uncover all of this now and really look at it. I’m finding I need research breaks from it. I don’t relate to all I research but a good enough amount I do and it’s shocking. I feel very much like I suddenly discovered someone had planted a bug device in my brain and is now sharing all my deepest secrets. I don’t know when I will get over the shock about this. I just can not believe other people felt the exact same things. How did I never know this? Not even a clue at any point in my life. Then I think we’ll you didn’t talk about it…why do you think others would? And being a woman…just made it even more undercover.
Just wow. All I can do is just keep documenting all this and writing it down. No way to explain any of this with people who have never felt any of this. And if I am ever told I am “just more sensitive than others” again…and it’s dismissed as just my being too much of something…well those days have ended. I know now. I can’t not know this now. I knew what I felt was intense and different. I knew my friends didn’t feel the same things to the extent I did. I did not share because I did not and never did want to be THAT different. Stand out sure. Be unique..sure. But I didn’t want to be a pain or burden or weird like that. So I just didn’t talk about it and I guess I wasn’t alone at all like I believed I was.
You Had To Be There… 