I’m too sensitive for this world. I’ve said this a million times to myself over the years and it’s as true when I was a kid as it is now. I have yet to figure out how to not feel what I feel in moments of conflict or stress. But I am reaching for that information in ways I never have before and am in the process of finally understanding why things affect me more than others. Why I feel so much more.
I am going to be okay. I swear I am and this is probably the most positive self care I have ever done for myself.
But it’s not without ripping off bandaids and scabs and digging up bones of things I thought I had buried. It is work. It is not easy in any way. But it is the most necessary thing I have ever felt I need to do for myself with a wonderful bonus in that it could help my family too.
And in this process I am even more rattled than I have ever been. Things I normally could somewhat manage…or fake managing…are super close to the surface at the moment. I don’t know how many times I’ve said to myself just let me get through this with no distractions. This is not the time for unnecessary drama. This is not the time. And like clockwork this thought somehow signals the drama. Oh the irony.
Onward through all of it. I will not stop. I will rest when I need to but I will not stop searching and understanding. I couldn’t stop this if I tried to..to be honest. Once you know…there is no going back. I just hope…I can do this in a peaceful and supportive environment but I am accepting it may still be an uphill climb and there may be many events during this and many more misunderstandings. I just need to focus on myself and my journey. Bite on a stick if I need to but keep going. This too shall pass.
You Had To Be There… 
If it helps at all, it’s the sensitivity that makes you a great artist. We tend to have more ups and downs than balance, but one day you hit 60 or so and say fuck it all, I’m going to be me and that’s okay. My life changed completely when my mom died. She loved us, but she struggled. And I loved her, but suddenly we were both free to be ourselves and miraculously let go of everything that held us back. I don’t know what the magic answer will be for you, but I know it’s waiting for you.
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