School canceled in big bear for most of this week because of the close fire. Makes me nervous but I won’t say that to my kids.
(And this makes me think about all the many, many things I internalize and don’t say for their sake…I bet that’s a therapy session or 4. )

Tornados or fire?
My first answer is always..neither thank you. But I think I might take my chances in a tornado. Fire will get you in multiple ways. I guess tornadoes too but it just seems like the smoke and heat thing trumps anything a tornado is capable of.
I won’t talk about that though. I’ve read too many horrible stories out here. My bag is packed. If they say evacuate I’m out.

I was told yesterday we leave my jeep and rescue the rv and man jeep. Didn’t like hearing that. My jeep deserves to be rescued too. I won’t tell her about that convo. Need the jeep to work until the end of the year. Then I can’t legally drive it here in this state. Breaks my heart.
I love my jeep. And it will be the first time in my life I don’t have my own vehicle. That’s very depressing to me. I wish things could be normal again in my home. Whatever normal was.
It’s hard not having someone who can..I don’t the captain of this ship? I was good with that. I miss it. This isn’t what I signed up for in the beginning. But what ever is? I’m trying to have hope it will be better someday. I’m tired. I’m trying to be understanding and patient. I’m trying to ride out the mood swings and sometimes really just plain emotional abuse. But I wish he would get help. I’m not a dr. I have my own things I’m working on and too many times that’s been I interrupted or put on hold for him. This upcoming autism assessment will not be. I will crawl there if I need to. Just have to get to the 28th. That’s really my only focus right now. Besides that I turn 50 soon.

I will have two days in one of my favorite places to turn 50 at. My first choice would have been Ireland. But not in the cards. This will at least be something. A month ago wasn’t sure if this would even happen so I’m grateful. Anyway…let’s see if today I sell some art. It’s a Thursday.


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