Now I understand better why I don’t cry or show emotion in intensely sad moments when most folks do or think I should. What I experience is a weird delayed response to very emotional and overwhelming moments. I do cry. (Lord do I ever.)
I do feel deep sadness and loss. Maybe more so than most. I’m not without feeling emotions in any way. Just not in the exact moments that most people expect me to.
Surprise me though…throw me with something..blindside me…and I’m a blubbering mess.
Also..show me a photo of a hurt puppy or show me a video of someone winning a million dollars…and I’m also a blubbering mess.
I’ve had many people in the past misunderstand either my lack of response or my over responding to things. It’s hard always being that kid and not even being able to explain it myself. I’m either a lot to people…or not enough. And I’m sorry if I am. I genuinely don’t try to be. My main goal is to be calm and collected and to blend in with the background as much as possible. And act accordingly so I am not a problem or not drama or not weird.
Forever trying to find a happy medium. A middle. Not too much and not to little.