Snow Storm of the Century

More today and tomorrow. Been a very long time since I’ve seen this much snow. And being in CA is so weird saying that. Really not sure where we will put it. Wood pile is under the deck so only concern at this point is to make a path to there..and keep an opening at road where the plow keeps piling up snow.

More expected today and tomorrow.
Blizzard warning announced. Last time that happened was 1989.

We have a generator so we would be okay if we lost power. But I’m telling ya..the hum of generators is the same as an idling vehicle to my brain. Or someone tapping their foot nonstop. Or the backing up beep a dump truck makes. Makes me feel super irritated and unable to focus. Another thing I’m so glad to understand now so I can actually do things to relieve how that makes me feel. Like putting headphones on and listening to music. 50 yrs of just feeling that and not knowing what it was to even be able to proactively do something to relieve it. This is what I mean when I say life changing. It’s all these little daily things I know how to treat now so my quality of life is better. So I can simply function better. I don’t have to not understand why I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin anymore.

I don’t know how to describe this to NT’s. How huge this is. How it feels and how often in a day sometimes I feel things they will never feel. I try but unless you feel it’s hard to describe and hard to explain just how much it affects my life and always has. I wonder sometimes how many times I made bad executive decisions under simple sound distress. How many times this alone made me unable to focus and think clearly. How many times I snapped at someone unfairly because my brain was being squeezed by the sounds in my environment. I think about my days working in noisy factories. Where one hum of a machine actually helped my brain to focus but another had a particular sound that made me want to punch puppies.

Complex AF. I’ve always said this about myself without truly understanding to what degree I was or why. But I always knew I was feeling things my peers were not. Or that I knew of. I know I wasn’t the only autistic human out there who like me didn’t understand why they felt what they felt.

So homebound we are. We do have a vehicle that could drive in the snow if needed. So that helps me not feel completely stranded. But unless an emergency..we are staying put and sitting out this blizzard. Next week we have a 2 day break and then more days predicted of snow. I feel maybe this will be the last winter we are here. This will be the deal breaker. Not that we would sell the house. My gut tells me this house in the mountains will be a refuge someday and a place we should hold onto and will be lucky to have with rising global temps and a very clean water source available to us here. But I don’t think my partner could do another winter here and I don’t know if I could either. Next winter we will have more options. We will officially be “snowbirds” next year.


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