Snowstorm 2023

It’s going to snow all day.

I’m in brain survival mode at this point. Going to need to crank some music (how my neurodivergent brain gets back to good and focuses) and focus on something other than the change in my routine thats been building up for a week now. Change in any way is extremely hard for me. I can admit that now. I may be okay for a few days but the buildup is what gets me and lands me on my ass. I’m also going to exercise and get the “good juices” in my brain flowing too.

And this is why I say it’s life changing to know I’m autistic. Now I know I need to take care of myself and even how to. Before I just felt all this and didn’t understand why and just suffered badly through it. I’ve never talked about this before. I’ve never acknowledged it even to myself before. But this is a reality for me and many like me. And no we don’t wear it on our sleeves. You would never know how much I feel like crawling out of my own skin right now. I learned to mask just how badly I felt. We just suppress, suppress, for years in many different situations and develop fun things like anxiety disorders because of not even understanding there is a real thing going on or how to deal with it.

I need to go try to get right now. The anxiety is horrible at this point. These are the moments when I wish I didn’t feel all this. It’s really hard and frustrating to FEEL all I feel in moments. I’m at the only my head above water stage. 😢

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