“In autistic self-advocacy circles, the question of whether we’d take a pill that magically ‘cures’ autism often comes up. The vast majority of people in our community reject that question out of hand, because autism is a core part of who we are, impossible to separate from our personalities, talents, preferences, and general outlook.”
Devin Price, “Unmasking Autism”
That’s not to say it’s not incredibly hard in moments and there isn’t a wish for things to be easier and not felt so intensely. But over all..not being me..a pill that would erase all of who I am..god no. Devin is right. It is the core of who I am. Without the way my brain works..without my need to understand things and awareness of everything around me..my self awareness…my ability to see, smell, hear and feel details in the way I do..sounds absolutely horrible. And simply understanding my different brain has made many things not as difficult as it once seemed. There’s an explanation now. It takes away this uncertainty I’ve always felt. It removes the distrust and self loathing that I didn’t completely understand I was carrying around inside of me. I masked so hard I fooled myself into believing I was what some told me I was and I just needed to try harder to not be me. If only I could try harder. Eventually I would get it. And all of this was done in a manner where I didn’t really realize I was actively doing it. I was just trying to fit in. Keep up. Quiet the parts of me that insisted in moments on coming out.
No thank you. I don’t need nor want that magic pill. I’m good being me and only better now with what I’m all learning. I’m exactly who I want to be with loads of potential to improve. I love the way my brain works. I love the kind of person I am. I can’t wait to see what else I can learn and how I will evolve.