In the land of leaf blowers (CA)…they really are the worst sound ever to me. And yes..even in the mountains there will be one or two neighbors who uses them on occasion. I’ll admit I do try to keep my space tidy and rake up leaves here. Which is funny because it’s kinda pointless and never ending in a forest. But the blowing your ton of forest dump into another neighbors forest dump feels especially mean. And loud in the most annoying way possible. This is high up on the list of sound sensitivity for me. Next to an idling car engine. But worse.
Thankfully now I know how this can ruin my entire day and have tools (earplugs..earphones) to prevent the start of feeling frustrating and itchy for an entire day. But at the same time..it makes me think of just how much my entire day can be affected by sound alone. And it’s frustrating that I have to make sure I’m prepared and take action to protect myself in this world of loud things. And if I don’t..suffer.
I think I’m at the stage of my autism diagnosis where I passed the honeymoon stage and it’s just starting to piss me off with the realization of just how much it affects every single part of my daily life. Or can. Has the potential to. And just how much I need to do to prevent not feeling okay or focused. A fricking leaf blower can legit ruin an entire day for me. A leaf blower! I can’t just ignore it. I can’t just strong arm my way through it and just shake it off. Even if I’ve convinced myself that I’m fine…I’m not. Now I know and can clearly see I’m really not okay and can not just shake it off hours after hearing it.
I don’t expect or think it logical to expect everyone living around me to know this or change their way of life to accommodate me. That would be ridiculous and unrealistic. But it is overwhelming to realize just how much I’ve just been living with…and depressing. This is when the truth is hard. These are the moments when reality is hard to accept. There are many good things about my brain and again I just want to say I wouldn’t want it any other way. But there are real moments when it’s hard and I would rather just have some things not be a thing. Sometimes I would like some things to be easier and not so complicated.