Having a neurodivergent brain means I fixate on foods or drinks and easily consume the same things every day for years and years. Don’t even think twice about it. Especially for me (remember we are all different) is my fixation on what I drink on a daily. I never understood why I did this until now.
I start drinking a particular drink and I will drink it daily for years. And then suddenly…with no explanation..I can’t stand the taste of it and stop and drink something else for the next how many years. Every. Single. Day.
Weird huh? Well it’s my normal. And it hasn’t helped me and is normally very unhealthy for me. The Redbull fixation was the worst. And in hindsight SUPER bad for my ADHD brain. No wonder why I felt like I was nonstop buzzing and shaky and accomplished all I accomplished during the years I drank it working 12 hour shifts at factories as a single mom. And I was really unhealthy thin. When I arrived in CA 11-12 yrs ago I weighed LESS than I did when I graduated HS at 17 yrs old. I was not healthy thin. And it hit me one day that I needed to get off the redbull. So I did. And it was hard but harder because this was still in my brain..my go to. I still liked the taste. I had not reached the “I’m done with this.” part of my neurodivergent ways. So the struggle was extra real for me. And I was dealing with the loss of a stimulant and withdrawal of that. But I did it. And now I can’t stand the stuff and I fear trying to drink it today and how it would affect me.
Fast forward to my latest trying to stop drinking a drink that was full of sugar. This to has been hard for me to do too. Cuz hi neurodivergent brain! But I finally did that and am drinking water enhanced with flavoring you can buy. Not my favorite. I tend to gravitate to fizzy drinks. And no mineral waters are not the same. And plain water..ack! I can’t. So flavored water it is. And I’m constantly looking for that ONE flavoring that satisfies my brain. Not there yet but I’m trying. This has now become another research subject for me. To find something healthy for me that satisfies my fixation part of why I do what I do. But now I’m doing it with a better understanding of why I always did this and how I can help myself in the future by drinking something that is not only healthier for me..but satisfies my brain and it’s need for familiar and routine.
Knowing is everything in so many ways. It’s just endless how much of my daily life is affected by my being autistic. It is my CORE of who I am in every possible sense of the word.
You Had To Be There… 