Just sitting here near my ocean. It’s hard when you miss your home. God I love this place.
I picked up my last 2 jade plants and of course the dick decided to mess with me again after agreeing he would not be there. But you know…it just really confirmed how sick this guy really is. After all this…after all the constant manipulation and the lies and this weird attempt to hold onto me…(while physically with her mind you)…it’s just really sinking in how horribly messed up he is. And how much I can not have someone like that in my space. Toxic. It was toxic. I gained weight because of it. I was getting sick because of it. I was angry and frustrated and it spilled out all the time around friends.
As emotional and up and down as I have been about all this…there is a deep down feeling of…relief. I’m free…and it’s going to be okay now. No more wondering if I am loved. No more wondering when the floor will drop out from under me. No more thinking WTF is wrong with this guy.
It’s not my problem anymore. It’s not my cross to carry. I am not responsible for this man any longer.
How comfortable we become in bad relationships that we don’t even see what it really was until we stand outside it.
I forgive myself for being really truly afraid when I first arrived here in CA. Of course I gravitated to the first man who claimed he could help me. Of course I did. And he took full advantage of that by playing the hero.