The State of Being Worn Out From EVERYTHING

So I had a Russian couple on Instagram who consistently liked my stories and this shows up in messages when you do that. Like every single day they did this.
That stopped about a week ago. Nothing now. For a full year and a half they did this every single day. A little stalky but I get my stories feed were just showing up in theirs and so they would like what I do which was very sweet. Nothing now.
Fuck putin.

But ya..I haven’t talked about what’s going in Ukraine too much because honestly it’s horrific to me. And terrifying. And I don’t feel in any way that because they are over there..that somehow makes us safe here or not touched by it. And it’s a lot for me to process after 2 yrs of the whole Covid thing. The main theme I’ve been feeling and dealing with is “uncertainty”. In my personal life and our future plans and with everything going on in the world at the moment. So much uncertainty. So much up in the air..literally with Covid. I get that’s life sometimes but it feels a bit more right now than years past. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling a bit tired and depressed lately and I will never understand why we are in this place of not banding together regardless of our politics or religion. I remember a time when we did..ya know? And politicians are still politicians and preachers are still preachers so it’s really us who have changed this go.
Those people are just feeding what is being asked for as they always have. Now folks are asking for conspiracy theories that make no sense and are debunked over and over to feel they are right. They are asking for neighbors to be considered monsters instead of just having different points of view. They are asking to be in cults and feel they are the ones fighting the good fight because wrong or makes them feel like they are doing something..helping in some way.
And so they are given that. In truckloads daily online. It doesn’t matter if it’s correct anymore..just tell me I’m right and they are wrong. Add as much snark as possible too because it’s a constant show to see who can out snark each other and how many likes and shares your snark can earn. And for what? What is the gain? Next day it’s a new thing to be enraged about. A new snark and belittling of the other side. With no real solutions.

I’m really worn out from all of it. Where does it end? And how the F did we become a mirror image of Russia in their disinformation ways? How? In America of all places. Maybe I’ve just been naive. Maybe we all have been. Maybe we counted too much on thinking and believing that could never happen here and it found a way in. I think lately it’s been like running into a brick wall and suddenly realizing we are not superior in any way. Not that I ever thought or believed we were..but I think you grow up here with this idea that you kinda are. Foolish to me now. I get the mistrust of government anything that can be found everywhere now. I get the resentment towards folks who have it easier..simply because they have money. After the last two years as an artist and losing what I used to have..I feel it too. Everything feels a little harder to accomplish and make sense of these days. What a state the entire world is in. There are no borders anymore when it comes to Covid or an impending world war. This affects us all and I’m feeling that hard. All of this is affecting us all in ways that will be studied over and over again. And again..we will swear to never let it happen again..until it does. Humans sure like that circle thing. Our one universal constant.

Onward. Keep moving forward and take necessary breaks from all the noise is my only solution at the moment. Do what you can. Try not to absorb it all. Pick one tragedy at a time to give your attention to or none at all on certain days when you just don’t have it in you. Do soft things on those days. Turn on your music and work on creating something positive. It’s not being in denial of the bad things…it’s knowing there are things not in your control and accepting that truth.

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