I’m Really Not Shy At All

I’m not really shy. I just learned to be quiet. I learned when I speak I either don’t understand something or I’m being too blunt and honest and it offends and hurts people. I don’t want to hurt people. I know how that feels.
I am not really shy at all. I just learned bad things happen..misunderstandings happened when I speak.
I still forget and say something I shouldn’t. But I mostly don’t speak because it isn’t understood. I don’t talk because I don’t really want to sometimes because I don’t understand being excited about some things that they all are excited about. Some things don’t interest me at all. I don’t know how to pretend they do. I don’t mean to be rude. I just don’t understand why anyone would want me to lie to them about something I find no interest in. I hope people don’t lie to me too. But I know they do. It’s hard to find people who understand how excited I feel about ordinary things like rocks or a pattern in a leaf.
I’m really not shy…I just can’t relate.
I don’t want to pretend I do. It’s so much work pretending. I hate lying.
I just stay quiet. I just observe. I figure out my environment and who they want me to be. I am quiet and thinking about how I can contribute in some way. Any way.
I’m really not shy at all. By the time I figure out who I should be it’s time to leave. Everyone thinks I’m quiet and shy.
I’m really not at all. My mind is so full..so busy..working so hard constantly. But they see quiet, calm…not talking much.
I’m really not shy at all.

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